He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
