if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
