I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
