he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
