so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
