Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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