it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
