his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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