is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize