Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
