Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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