i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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