At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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