I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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