He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
