8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
