She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
