Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize