a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
