OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
