I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish they made helmets for livers.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
