the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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