this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
