I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
