i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
