threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
