Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
