In America we eat man semen.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
