May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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