haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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