u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize