sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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