he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I want her autograph on my taint
Found your dick twin last night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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