He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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