I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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