Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
