Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
