Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
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