I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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