I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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