i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
