Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
