dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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