Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
