Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
