I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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