PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
