i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
