Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
