I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
