Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
