It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
