new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
