dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
