yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
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