im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
