There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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