I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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