You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
