I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
