its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
