i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
