sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
