Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize