hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
