I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
