i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize