Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'd cum for enchiladas.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
