Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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