my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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