She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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