none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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