awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
