Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize