i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she smelled like a LAN party
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
