i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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