Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
