Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
