drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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