So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
