fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
