there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
