How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize