I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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