I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
is it fun? or sober?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
