I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
