I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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