so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
