I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
